Valentines Blues..

Okay people so it is that time of the year again ("booooo" or "yeeyyyy").. the dreaded (if you are planning to crawl up into a ball in your bed and eat ice cream all day by YOURSELF) or the not so dreaded (if you are looking forward to the whole SHABANG in whatever shape or form it is coming in) day. For fear of showing bias i shall not reveal which end of the spectrum my February 14th is currently residing, and anyway a girl has to have a couple of secrets of her own to keep mysterious AND sane.

So in my attempt to keep this post light and fluffy i decided to escape the urge to go all deep and  phylosophical and to instead remain light and fluffy. How you may ask.. ?? By discussing why the  species that is the 'single person' finds this day their most excrutiating and testing time in terms of survival despite the fact that the single person shall perhaps never face extinction. well ladies and gentlemen have no fear, you can always count on me to make things a little bit more bearable.

So what is it that makes Valentines Day so damn horrible for the singles?? anyone???

Well...Let me perhaps offer 2 scenarios..

I can recall each time I have had to walk out of a relationship. Its the same emotions, same routines, same process of adjustment. I don't know about you but, for me, it always feels just like that word..... what is it again??....... Ah...Yes ...BITTERSWEET!!!!... while the bitter, is wells..... BITTER the sweet can sometimes feel  all TOO sweet so much so that it becomes misleading. I mean in that moment having said your final and dramatic, heartfelt goodbye and having shed your parting tears (or if you are anything like me, being the COWARD that you are, you just communicate in whatever form, shape or way that does not include ANY of the above..lets not judge people!!..). Anyway bottomline, in that moment you feel like a whole new person has arisen out of the ashes that was the exhausted or troubled phoenix that became your relationship. You feel lighter, liberated even. Everything seems exciting and fresh because its happening to you as this whole different person. Single you. Not "you and John" or "John’s girlfriend' or john and that girl..or Sally and "him" or sally and "that guy she is dating".. no Sirrr... Just you. For me, the unconquerable world becomes MY oyster again. I feel as though,For once, in a very long time I can actually make an important decision without having to look over my shoulder to see if my "other half" is taking it okay or if they are instead "lugging behind". .. Well so there you are doing your thing, exploring your new found land and anxiously awaiting to form your own version of Christopher Columbus’ America....Exciting right???


Right!!!...WRONG...what goes up must ALWAYS come down they say. That was sweet, but bitter is always for sure right behind. Just there in the shadows waiting to crush your spirits and tell you that unlike Christopher Columbus there is a possibility you won't find an America. You will probably Just be cast away at sea ...amelessly drifting.No soulmate, no great "love story". Or if you're a bit lucky all you will come aacross is the equivalent of North Korea. Not America now is it. Just forced to settle. Perhaps you realise that your new found status cost you a beloved companion,  or what was even a best friend, who knows. The point is that Bitter can be real BITTER!!


... And then here come valentines day on its high horse..preaching all things "love" and "happily ever after".. umm... NO!! I mean, you try to walk into a chocolate shop to soothe your embittered heart with that sweet taste of Belgium chocolate burrels with a rum praliné centre that if you eat enough of might just get you tipsy enough to help you drown your sorrows.. you wish.. BUT INSTEAD what you get is a cheery woman at the counter telling you how she found her soulmate and asking you who the lucky person you are getting the biggest boxes of chocolate for is.. you know the ones with the "i love you" messages written all over them. Do you dare say MYSELF?? Of course not, least you be judged, instead you choose to create a fictional someone and go about your way all the while cursing her and her RED shop with RED decorations and RED boxes of chocolate with RED "i love you" messages written all over the boxes. KMT. I just wanted some PLAIN chocolate is that too much to ask???!!!!..apparently on Valentines Day...YES!!

Oh and then there is Mr or Miss  i should let everyone know "I am single and happy". Even before being asked wht your relationship status is you gladly volunteer yourself and then delve into the specifics of what your single life has allowed you to do and how you think that relationships are for those that do not value their freedom. Perhaps you even go as far as to quote the likes of Ludacris' "Area codes" or Jay Z's "99 problems". If you are a girl perhaps you still passionately raise your hands in the air when "Single Ladies" plays in the club or even worse ask the D.J  to play Destiny’s Child’s "Independent women", in this day and age, for your case and point. Then things like Valentines Day come along and they are NOWHERE to be found because guess what, on that one day, 14th Feb, those things can ONLY serve as evidence that  the joke is on YOU. 


So i guess there is reason to hate valentines day if you're single, call it alll sorts of names.. a waste of money.... a capitalist scam in a capitalist world.. blablabla


Or is there??


I mean are these the only two ways to be single. Are these the only options society gives us if we are NOT in some kind of long-lasting, long-term, "i will catch a grenade for you" relationship. are we either single but wanting desperately to be loved so much so that we need to pretend we are not, or do we have to be miserable because we are still in mourning for a relationship that didn't work out to the extent that we cannot be happy for those whose relationships actually did?


I don't think sooooo... Both are just too sad for my tastes!!!


So God please read this prayer for all the times am single...


When am single am hoping to actually ENJOY that season of my life. I want to be honest enough with myself to let myself miss the things i love most about companionship but also at the same time celebrate the things I can do in the moment that I don't have it.I don't think we need to go looking for love at every corner and pit stop... I think we find it is a lot more rewarding just living it out. And when single ladies plays. Lord, I don't want to be the girl putting her hand up so all the single guys in the club can see that I am currently UNOCCUPIED..lol.. but instead, I want it to be a reflex action that comes by confronting the reality of my current status. A way of owning up to it and letting the pride that flows from knowing that being momentarily single is a season of my life that God has wisely placed me in to do things and make the kind of changes only a single girl can. I wanna raise my hand up in dancing to the rhythm of the music without feeling the shame that comes from being the girl that is trying outwards, to be what she wishes she was inwards, because eventually the song DOES end. Lord, I also pray that if I ever find myself in the situation where I am miserable during Valentines I just pray that when that "rub it in my face" old woman asks me who the box of chocolates if for, I can proudly say MYSELF...because if i can't accept and give myself gifts then why should I expect others to. If I can acknowledge how important I am to myself then others can readily follow suit. I don't want to fear showing others I love myself because maybe if they see that I do then they can perhaps refrain from treating me with anything that equates to less. Help me to celebrate Valentines Day as a day I can show the people in my life how much I love them and not as a a day when my romantic status should dictate happiness.
Help me to be happy for all the right reasons
Thank you Lord!


Amen.




Happy Valentines Day!!


CLICK for a peace offering http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24JOL-2SweI