S.E.X *whispers*

Disclaimer: I am NOT in an way, shape or form an expert in sexuality, a psychiatrist, some kind of love doctor or guru etc etc... neither am I claiming to be. I am however exerting my constitutional right prevalent in most jurisdictions excluding the obvious culprits of non compliance to international law *cough North Korea * (lol)... This is a compilation of opinions so please feel free to agree, disagree or agree to disagree.

Okay so lets all be clear what we are talking about here.

Unfortunately there isn’t really a universal consensus on what term BEST describes ‘the deed’. Yes the scientists have created some fancy shmancy word to call it by as per usual (BLA!), sexual intercourse, but lets be honest here, we don’t really go around blurting that one out in our daily lingo. (Those of you that do am so sorry, forgive me, all am trying to say is, for example, when referring to the roses she just received, a girl won’t usually say ‘oh my, what beautiful Rosa berberifolias my boyfriend just sent me’ now will she...Errm, No). So back to my original point, we create and have created terms for sex that best suit us and whether we realise it or not these terms are reflections of what we PERCEIVE it to be or in simpler terms what it means to us. So some may say ‘making love’, others ‘doing the dirtay’, some prefer shagging, others straffing. I mean just to show you how ‘colorful’ people can be (and for my own entertainment) here are a few ...ermm... interesting ones:
bang – beast – beat cakes – bed – bone – bump uglies – chopped up -cut friends – dance – diddle – dig out – dip (one's) wick – doink  – do the horizontal bop – do the nasty – duke – earn (one's) red wings – friends for cut – frombe – fubb – geit – get guts – get it on – get laid – get lucky – get mounted – get (one's) hump on – get (one's) redwings – get some booty –get some stank on (one's) hang low – give the business -know in the biblical sense –, take old one eye to the optometrist yeah you heard me take old one eye to the optometrist (LOL) and my personal favourite, the happy happy (haha) but DOINK... Really people,???Lets just keep it Biblical and just say Lay because quite frankly some of these *shake my head *. Okay so in short we have VARIETY. But more than that in the different names lies the different ideologies of what sex is or is about – in them I see an array of perceptions ranging from reverent to ‘I could really care less’ attitudes. But more than that, all these quirky names are just a reflection of how we have somehow decided that sex AND all sex talk should be somehow euphemized, hidden in quirky names, or just not spoken about at all. Somehow, especially in churches sex is cast to the shadows or constrained to hideaway hush hush unintelligible whispers when one is in polite company. Of course if its drinks-with-the-boys (or girls) for the rest of us, you might as well bring out the trumpets but otherwise there is still something about sex that makes you cringe when a parent makes that awkward attempt at cautioning and educating you on one or two THINGS. Some of us are even unfortunate enough to turn all sorts of beautiful colours before getting round to uttering the ‘Arrgghh, Mum please STOP!!’. I will not pretend to know what that is all about but if I could fathom a guess, one phrase comes to mind.. ‘you are on Holy ground’...its as though, innately we have a sense of the shear magnitude of intimacy God created sex to have so that we shy away from any invasion of such a sacred gift. I don’t know, just a stray thought after all not many of us shake off our sandals and lay prostrate at its mention. On the contrary, its probably a lot ‘cooler’ to make it sound meaningless.

Anyway with that rather comical background lets get back to the point at hand, a very dear friend of mine, decided that during what has become one of our customary post-meal lazy catch-ups, she would mix things up and vent about some of the FRUSTRATIONS she felt about a comment a certain someone made about a particular breed of person, that contrary to popular belief is not, as of yet, in the extinct/historical archives of sex museums. Yes the Scarlet Letter clearly made a tsunami of a splash but still, allas, the Virgin still lives. For my friend what I guess really upset her was that a MALE friend of hers had had the ‘audacity’ to utter the line ‘ you are naïve if you think you are going to find a guy out there who hasn’t had sex’. Yeah I know sounds like the ‘every guy watches porn speech’ or chris rock ‘they still make you’ jokes alll over again ...BORE!! But before you cast her reaction to exaggeration lets stop and think... Was there really any sort of justification for her to be genuinely upset by this guys remark.(thinking like a lawyer here just go withit) I mean first of all no one wants to be thought of as naiive but more honestly was what he said so bad or so untrue that HE was the one being naiive.

His defence;

Lets face it, we live in an over-sexualised world these days, so much so, that if we are even gonna watch an advert for cat food, chances are, the woman giving the cat its food is going to serve it in a tiny bikini with all the goodies spilling over or at the very least do a seductive ‘purrr’ at the end of the advert as though buying that cat food will somehow unleash your inner she-lion.. (Girl please, just put some clothes on). So yeah, I guess in his defence it can be a little naiive to expect that in light of a world that dedicates about $10-$14 billion anually to porn and in light of what has become an acceptable lackluster sex culture, virgins and crusadors of chastity in general, can easily be seen as irrational beings, imposing unrealistically strict standards on themselves and expecting others to follow.(I mean to him you just wan't to send them the *talk to the hand * BBM smiley)


Taking it further, to him all those preaching all things chastity and virginity not only need to get a serious upgrade but need to get the hell off their little self-created peddle stools, where their choice to commit to this ‘higher standard’ of purity somehow gives them ‘higher ranking’ than those that have ‘chosen’ to ‘throw’ theirs away.
You know, those people who somehow want to think that if God was on earth at that particular moment when they were ‘preserving’ themselves like a can of Heinz baked beans, they would For SURE be in the very short line of people collecting God’s brownie points. And yet boy are they mistaken. It would appear that Mr or Miss holier-than-thou must have never felt the pressures of being in a relationship where sex would be the inevitable next step to showing that much more commitment. Miss holier-than-thou must not have felt the same primal needs everyone else has, they must not have known what it is like to come face to face with the fact that sex may be the only thing that will save the relationship you have FAUGHT tooth and nail for, sex may be only thing keeping the person you desperately love there, just long enough for them to realise they love you too. Miss holier than though doesn’t know how to love or have a little fun and ON TOP of that while she was grooming her self righteous ego he or she must have  skipped over the part in the bible that CLEARY says ‘ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God’. (Romans 3v23) Yes ALL, so maybe he or she needs to go to the mirror, look at the person staring back at them, and accept that includes THAT very person too, them, so that maybe, just MAYBE they can dismount that invisible shiny white horse they have been riding on all this time and realise that it is by ‘FREE  Grace that they are saved and delivered from judgment though faith and this is not of yourselves, it came out NOT through your works but it is of the Gift of God; not because of works least any man should boast (Ephesians 2 v8-9)...

Her defence:



Okay we need to CALM DOWN up in hurrr... Dang! But you get the point. It is easy to believe that some people decide to preserve their chastity because they believe they are somehow they are of a higher moral standard than others. It is easy to throw scripture at them and show them that they too are flawed, and that we are all loved by equal measure before God. It is easy to look at them and think that their reluctance to conform comes from a deep routed selfishness that comes from imposing on others a rigidity and expecting of them a standard that is ‘impossible to attain given the fact that we are Flawed..we make mistakes, we have lapses of judgment and its an imperfect world we live in.
But please lets give her a voice and hear her defence before passing a sentence of naivety selfishness and ignorance. Maybe its something else altogether ...maybe...Lets listen...

I want you to know that you’re the one
No, I NEED you to know, 
YOU are the one
When I say ‘I love you’ I want you to hear more than just the cliché words pouring out of my mouth
I want you to feel a beginning and dream of our forever
When I say I love you, I want you to know I have said it and meant it to a thousand others
But still, 
Even in a thousand others, my athousand 'i love you's' will NEVER mean to them what they mean to you
You'll feel our beginning and be assured of our forever.

When you feel barriers from the mental beatings I took
When you see the scars form the emotional lashes I inflicted on self,
When you walk through the shadows of the pits they kept me in,
When you see stains from mud they dragged me through,
When you taste the humiliation I endured on my lips,
and walk through the tombs they carved out of my tears,
When you mourn the pieces of my heart they broke off without so much as a second glance to see what they left behind
When you hear the words I love YOU strangled in my throat, like barbed wire, so that even the thought of saying them becomes unbearable 
You'll still feel our beginning and be assured of our forever.

When I say...that i love YOU..
Despite my common kisses and shared embraces
Despite how they used me and i used in return
You'll know that I FOUGHT
I swear you’ll be proud
Despite how I suffered, when I wept, how I mourned when they hurt me,
Despite how I begged, when they left, how i screamed when they broke me, 
Despite how I drowned, when they let go, how I cried when they spat love back in my face.
Despite how... they weren't you
I swear you’ll be proud
Because to have survived you'll know how I FOUGHT
Harder than the gladiator
Not for life, or for freedom, for honour or for glory
But for you, for us
I never knew you...not by any measure of the meaning of the word..
No, 
I never knew it was you 
I was fighting for, guarding for, waiting for..
But I guarded this heart that beat in my chest like my ribs were iron girdles..cages.. the keys to which I placed in your arms long before I Knew it was you.


So if you can just see what is left..
If you could just ACCEPT what is left
If you could, just, accept, the REMAINDER of what is left
Its as precious to me as the perfume and tears Mary Magdalene wiped Jesus' feet with
Am sorry I didn’t leave more, hold on to more, guard more, FIGHT for more
If I had known..
But all the same...If you could just accept what is left
Its All that is precious...
All that is left..
All that I am..
Am giving to you
An imperfect gift made perfect by this perfect sacrifice.
For I fought for us even before there was an us 
Placed in your arms keys to my heart
Just to tell you, in this way that is mine
You are the one
Yes YOU

I KNOW that you’re flawed, I'm not blind to your imperfection,
your life, like mine, will speak of your shame, may reek of dishonor
But despite that, I’ll give you this heart, along with this gift
But despite ALL that I'll give you THIS heart, along with this gift and WE’LL GLIMPSE AT REDEMPTION

Maybe my friend got mad because she saw judgment in one word... 'Naiive'.. Maybe my friend got mad because she was hearing the scorning of someone's version of a precious and perfect gift... An all too familiar story... if you recall the scorning of a blameless Son sent by a forgiving Father, who endured and sacrificed ALL just to provide for the perfect gift in its most precious form  so that even the man considered to be least of us imperfect people, might not just glimpse of redemption, but WALK in undeserved righteousness,(Romans 4 v 5) that we ALL may not just glimpse of redemption but have life EVERLASTING (Amen) (Hebrews 2 14-18)