The Art Of Bowing Ones Head In Shame..

In the Zambian tradition, as in most other African countries, a huge part of our culture is founded on one basic principle ‘RESPECT your elders’. Hence, a huge chunk of our customs are primarily based on how best to show that respect. For example, in the classic parent to child scolding scenario or in terms of employment hierarchy, the BOSS versus the mere employees show down, it is expected that in show of ones utter mortification of their bad behavior and humility towards discipline one must not engage in eye contact, instead, it is best to HANG your head in shame unless the other party calls for a direct, but, BRIEF form of eye contact.
 The constant act of looking up in acknowledgement and then bowing the head in shame is in itself an art. However, the real art form lies in ones ability to respond in agreement at the APPROPRIATE  time. Too many verbal acknowledgments in too short intervals can easily be perceived as a lack of humility and instead, be interpreted as an eagerness to get the lecture OVER and DONE with and a general disinterest to the pearls of wisdom being involuntarily bestowed on you (not that this is too far from the truth, but one can NOT under any circumstances dare let this be known) . On the other hand, too FEW responses can easily relay the message that you have NOT understood the lecture or EVEN WORSE, that you do not agree or wish to agree and acknowledge your wrong doing. Now both of these are sure to guarantee an even longer lecture than may at first have been necessary or an even greater punishment. Now who wants that...

Note exhibit A:

‘Chisanga life is too short you can’t go around not taking school seriously’, mum never thinks that there is ever a disciplinary speech that is too long. In her defence she would always end each lecture with something along the lines of ‘I know you think mummy talks too much but if I don’t tell you these things then who else will’. So this was one of those ‘education is life’ speech after showing my general disinterest in all things education during my summer break. I mean there is a time and place for Shakespeare and unsolvable Chemistry equations and my summer holiday just isn’t it.
‘I mean these are the things you generally come to regret later in life’ she goes on.
‘yes mummy’
‘you don’t want to end up like your cousin John you don’t need me to tell you ...’ the beauty of having a rather dysfunctional family. The show and tell section of the lecture can go on and on..and on...ENDLESSLY!!!
‘No mummy’
‘You see you have been given an opportunity so make the most of it while you’re still young’
‘Of course!’
‘CHISANGA are you really listening? Just giving me one word answers. You know if you don’t take OLDER PEOPLE with experience seriously you will end up...’ yes the lecture BRANCHES OFF into a whole new domain of correction .. My attitude towards discipline.!! Another half an hour AT LEAST...

Time for a different strategy

The next time around I let her speak for at least 2 minutes before I give my response allowing for at least 3 coherent sentences to be unleashed, giving the perception of one who is taking EVERYTHING in before agreement.
And ALLAS the desired effect. The sound of each word of what I have come to call my ‘the closing line’...
‘anyway I have said what I need to say...’

In my prayer life I have adopted much the same concept and attitude. Its imperative to know when to speak and when to keep quiet. I don’t always need to bombard God with my never ending list of demands sometimes I just have to shut up and listen to what He has to say.. You know..  Like an actual ANSWER to my prayers. No one needs a message to be relayed in 5 years when it should have taken 5 minutes...

One set of Israelites in history is quite enough thank you..

Lemonade.